Why when I've had a good day or mostly been in a good mood does it suddenly deteriorate so much without reason?
Why does the urge to self harm grow even stronger?
Maybe I just can't allow myself to have good days and think myself in to a bad mood or maybe I subconsciously think that I don't deserve the good so I push it away myself before I get used to it and mess it up?
I don't know but it's getting too much now.
Why can't I just be stable, just be normal?
Why can't I just accept that it's okay to have a good day sometimes without my mood sudden changing?
Maybe the good days make me realise that this is what normality must be like and hen that's the cause for me getting down?
I wish there was some way of making sense of it all and distracting myself from that one persistent thought.