Tuesday 29 July 2014

Suicide Doesn't Make You Weak (2012)


Suicide Doesn't Make You Weak

So I've not written for a while, because I've been really busy with this and that, but mainly because I've been trying to build myself up to writing this post - trying to find the words, the ways to explain, trying not to hurt anyone as I write - but I've figured that I need to do this for ME, I don't ever seem to do anything for myself so I'm going to use my strength and post this and I'm sorry if what I write hurts, upsets or offends you but this has to come out, for me, so I can move on.

In the summer of 2012 I tried to commit suicide for the second time, I just couldn't see a future with me in it any more, I couldn't see how I could possibly go on just existing, being invisible and hurting so much, I couldn't see there being a light at the end of the tunnel and I still sometimes struggle to see one now.

It's soul destroying when your ultimate fear is your own death but at that moment, at that one point all sense of "normality" and logic goes out the window, it doesn't even enter your mind as you take the tablets one by one, trying to force them down quickly, maybe if you take them quickly enough it will all end before it even happens.

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